Posted by: The Believe Coach | April 10, 2017

Self-Discipline: How do you Rate?

self-disciplineSelf-discipline is touted as a necessity for accomplishing anything in life. You even need self-discipline to improve your self-discipline. What’s a person to do? And what exactly is self-discipline?

Self-discipline is the ability exhibit a behavior that is not enjoyable at that time, without any outside compulsion to do it.

So you would be able to get yourself to clean out the attic, even though you’d rather be fed grapes and feathered. And you would do it even though you really don’t have to do it right then. You can get yourself to do it simply because it needs to be done. That sounds like a great trait; who wouldn’t want that?

Try these ways to develop your self-discipline to enjoy greater achievement in your life:

 

  1. It’s important to keep your focus, like a Zen master. Why do monks have so much discipline? Part of the reason is they are great at staying focused on the task and keeping that inner voice that screams “Ugh” quiet. They simply do the work and don’t think about how much they don’t like doing it.
  1. Recognize that you have control over your actions. You have free will; you can do as you please. So, you can choose to take part in an activity that needs to be done, even if you don’t like doing it.
  2. Keep the result in mind before you get started. If you’re focused on the results, it’s easier to get started. It’s usually a lot easier to maintain working on a task than it is to begin. Focus on the benefits and the beginning will come.
  3. Do your task when distractions are at a minimum. Buddhist monks are a good example. They can’t touch money; they can’t even shake hands with a woman; they may only own a couple of robes, a bowl, and a spoon. They aren’t even allowed to prepare or store food. The primary reason is to eliminate all distractions.
  • If you disallow yourself to worry about money, relationships, possessions, clothing, or food, your mind is free to focus on whatever you choose. So plan your task when you’re not likely to be distracted by other more interesting or enjoyable activities.
  1. Eliminate the stuff from your life that isn’t meaningful to you. These things take away from the quality of your life and your focus and serve as distractions from the things that are more important to you.

Self-discipline is like anything else; with practice, it becomes a positive habit. Self-discipline is developed one decision at time. So make every opportunity to experience self-discipline count. It gets a little easier each time.

Practice every day. Take smaller tasks, like washing the dishes or folding laundry, and see how well you can complete them without being distracted. See how many negative thoughts pop into your head.

Most importantly, acknowledge the times you are successful and show self-discipline. Any behavior that is rewarded is more likely to appear again in the future

Imagine how your life would be if you could accomplish your task list without procrastinating. People we consider highly successful have simply been able to get themselves to do things the rest of us don’t like to do. Self-discipline is the key ingredient to reaching a high level of success in your life.

Posted by: The Believe Coach | June 8, 2016

Journaling – Nonjudgmental Expression

man writing a contractDo you feel like your emotions are complicated and confusing? If you struggle to understand why you feel or react the ways you do, you might benefit from using a journal. Journaling can help you appropriately identify and express your feelings to increase self-understanding.

Once you learn to identify and deal with your feelings in acceptable ways, you have truly mastered self-understanding. By simply jotting down what’s going on with  you and how you feel about it, you can get a handle on your emotions.

 Writing your feelings in a journal helps increase self-understanding in four ways:

  1.  Journaling compels you to think about and process a particular situation or occurrance. When you write about an event, you automatically process the event through words words and description. Recording the situation in writing can lead you to notice details you had not noticed when the event took place, thus increasing your insight about the situation.
  • While journaling, put aside other thoughts and just focus on the situation.
  1. Journaling allows you time to identify feelings about the situation. Chances are you may not have time to analyze every event as it occurs throughout the day. However, if you pledge to journal, you know that you’ll later take the opportunity to reflect on important occurrences and consider how you felt about them.
  • Labeling your feelings leads to a better understanding of how you respond in certain situations.
  • Use “feeling” words when describing your emotions about a situation or event.   Examples of feeling words are, “pumped,” “annoyed,” “ecstatic,” and “angry.”
  • A helpful sentence structure to use in your journal is, “I felt __________ when ________ happened.”
  1. Journaling helps you see why you felt the way you did.  Journaling provides an opportunity to fully explore your emotions about an event or situation and come to a conclusion about your feelings. Writing about your feelings can even assist you in changing negative feelings in the future, once you figure out why you felt the way you did.
  • Knowing why you responded in a certain manner increases self-understanding and also allows opportunities for change.
  • When completing a journal entry, consider all the reasons why you may have felt or responded in the way you did.
  • Theorize and decide which theory best fits to explain your feelings and behavior.
  1. Re-reading your journal sheds light on your progress. When you process situations through journal writing and read about them later, you’ll likely see patterns of emotions and responses that recur in similar situations.
  • You might want to learn to more openly express your emotions upon identifying these patterns. Or maybe you want to work to change your pattern of responding.
  • Re-reading your journal might reveal unhealthy reactions to certain situations. In this case, these reviews of your entries could help you make a commitment toward more positive and helpful reactions.
  • Take notice of your progress over time in responding to situations in positive ways.
  • Regardless of whether you choose to accept your feelings or make a change, you still increase your self-understanding through reviewing your journal.

You might feel confused at times and be at a loss to explain why you responded in a certain way. However, you can improve insight by reflecting further about these situations and the feelings you experienced, especially if you see patterns of similar reactions.

Sometimes your feelings are deep-rooted and go back to an incident that happened many years ago, so similar situations now trigger similar feelings. Writing and reflecting on your journal entries may help you remember the previous incidents so you can understand your feelings and decide if they benefit you now or if you wish to pursue more positive outcomes in the future. Try journaling today to explore how you feel and respond to life events. When you do, you’ll increase self-understanding and live a healthier, fulfilling life.

 

Posted by: The Believe Coach | March 29, 2016

Are You comfortable with who You are?

Developing Self-Acceptanceradical-self-acceptance

When you accept yourself with all of your flaws and unique talents, the world seems to become a more accommodating place. You will find that some of the causes of your stress disappear and you can gain more joy on a daily basis.

Accepting yourself completely entails courage, wisdom and compassion. If you are plagued by negative emotions such as anxiety, jealousy, shame, anger, envy, or guilt, these may be signs of low self-esteem. To counter this, you can learn radical self-acceptance.

If you find yourself equating your worth with your achievements, love life or social status, what happens if these are someday diminished? After all, these are temporary conditions. Life has its ups and downs. Practicing self-acceptance will help prevent your self-worth from hinging on your current situation.

How Low Self-Esteem Can Hinder Self-Acceptance

If you have low self-esteem, you can get mired in refusal to accept your own uniqueness and capability for transformation. You may be a perfectionist, and when things do not go well, you often tell yourself that you’re not good enough. It becomes a vicious cycle of negative self-fulfilling prophecies.  So what can you do to turn this around?

Suppose you start to appreciate the world around you. Then you are aware of your place. You realize that just as others are important to your well-being, your existence supports others, too. Since appreciation is a prerequisite for self-esteem, you’re now well on your way to self-acceptance.

How to Develop Self-Acceptance

To develop self-acceptance, you must believe in your intrinsic worth and uniqueness. There is no one else in the world quite like you and you’re constantly changing and developing. Your value cannot be measured by how others perceive you.

You are also aware of the fallibility of human nature. No one is perfect. Even enlightened souls such as Christ and The Buddha had to struggle to achieve their goals. Likewise, you must also work to improve yourself. Let this be your joy.

When you make a mistake, refrain from judging yourself. Resist labeling yourself as a failure or a bad person because of past errors. You would not label your child a failure or a loser because he failed a test. Be compassionate with yourself too.

Accept Your Mistakes and Move On

When you review your mistakes, you may feel remorse and disappointment, but these are healthy reactions. They will help you to change your behavior to something you like better.

Remorse and disappointment are different from self-condemnation, which can lead to depression, guilt and shame. These unhealthy emotions may cause you to give up or avoid facing your mistakes. Instead, look toward what you can do to change your actions next time.

Try these strategies to increase your self-acceptance:

  1. Avoid excusing yourself from your mistakes. It’s okay to tell yourself that you’re human and prone to error, but if you use this to refuse to face your mistakes, you won’t grow. Instead, work on improving yourself. This will help you accept what you did but put it in the past and move on.
  1. Use positive self-talk. Refrain from calling yourself names like “idiot,” “total failure” or “loser.” Get in the habit of complimenting yourself instead. Reinforce the qualities about you that you like by telling yourself things like “I can do this,” “I’m good at this,” “Forgiving others is perfectly like me,” or “I can find a solution to this challenge.”
  1. Be tolerant and compassionate with yourself, just as you are with your friends. Judge your behavior, not yourself.

Following these guidelines will help you gain greater self-acceptance. It may take some practice to master these new ways of thinking about yourself, but the rewards will be worth it. Soon you’ll be enjoying life more and find it more fulfilling than you ever imagined!

Posted by: The Believe Coach | January 4, 2016

Show up YOUR Best for 2016 – Stop Talking and Start Doing

startdoingThroughout your life, you have meant to do a lot of things. You might have intended to go into a certain line of work, live in a certain area, or become involved in certain hobbies and activities. But everyday life just kind of intervened and prevented you from doing what you always thought you would do.

And here you are — still wishing you can accomplish some of the goals and desires you established a long time ago. Some of the activities you want to do might even come up in conversation from time to time. You start out by saying, “One of the things I’ve always wanted to do is…” or “I always thought I would…” or even “Starting at the NEW YEAR, I will….”

So, how can you stop talking and start doing what you intend to do? What does it take to follow through with your intentions?

These action strategies can help inspire you to begin fulfilling your life’s dreams:

  1. Pick your top 3 desires at the current time. Limiting the goals you plan to work on will help you succeed. Select those that are the most important for you.
  2. Stay focused on those 3 goals and do not allow anything to get in the way of accomplishing them. When you focus, you will keep those goals on your mind every single day. You might say you will eat, sleep, and drink with those few goals. You might also ask yourself, “How bad do you want to accomplish these goals?”  It will help you understand your own motivation behind the goals you have chosen.
  3. Break each goal up into “chunks.” Divide it up into smaller mini-goals and enjoy one success after another as you attain these smaller goals and get closer to achieving your end goal. Breaking up each goal into do-able chunks will galvanize you to get started working toward the goal one bit at a time. Remember that even incremental progress is better than no progress at all.
  • For example, if one of your goals is planning a family vacation, what is every aspect of the trip you must plan for? Your mini-goals might include setting a date, gathering finances, deciding where all you will go and what you want to do when you get there, and more. This is a great pencil and paper exercise so that you can actually see the plan in front of you instead of just floating around in your memory.
  1. Vow to do something that moves you closer toward each of your 3 goals every single day. For example, rather than spend 2 hours in the evening on your phone, social media, or iPad, spend one of those hours working towards one of your mini-goals.
  2. Show flexibility. If focusing on 3 of your desires at once is too difficult for you to work toward, then choose just one at a time and work on it until you accomplish the goal. Also, be willing to switch from moving one goal ahead to working on another if you get stuck. When you encounter challenges with each goal, consider your approach or an alternative plan for achieving it.
  3. Change your language. Rather than continuing to state you “always wanted to do” something, state what you have done recently to work toward accomplishing your goal. Use your discussions and language to remind yourself and others of what your intentions are. Now your talk and your actions are both consistent with attaining your goal.
  • For example, if you have always wanted to learn Tai Chi, tell what you have done to check into it. “I called the YMCA the other day to find out when the Tai Chi class starts and how much it costs.” What a thrill it will be when your next conversation includes, “At my Tai Chi class the other day…”

Consider the fact that it will be wonderful when you start avidly focusing on your desires and actively working to achieve your goals? You have, right now, within your reach, the power to stop talking and start doing whatever is necessary to translate your intentions into actions. You can live the life you have yearned to live and achieve your dreams. Begin today to do what you intend to do.  Consider a complimentary professional Coaching session with Believe University.  Have an Awesome Year.

Posted by: The Believe Coach | October 7, 2015

Never Sit in Silence Again – Stop The Bullying

bullyingI am reminded of a young African-American child who was raised under strict family rules.  During the early teen years from middle school and throughout high school, this kid was smart yet shy and often picked on and bullied by fellow classmates and even other children in the neighborhood where he lived.  He found himself constantly frustrated, depressed, and left with a very low in self-image and esteem.

Life for this young teen reached its lowest point when he felt no love from his family and the bullying had taken its toll on his life.  This young 16-year-old decided that life was not worth living and the only way out would be to take his own life so that the pain he felt would go away.

The young child decided not to go in the direction of suicide; but rather sought refuge in his religious teachings and started a journal   as a way of releasing the pain and emotion that was inside of him. By doing this, he found solace and a sense of being heard and not judged.

He soon found the courage to stand up to his bullies but not in the right way.  His mind was set on revenge and he packed a knife in his backpack throughout his high school years simply waiting for the opportunity to use it if pushed to the edge.  His mind was still full of fear and his actions were unpredictable.

The young teen that I am speaking about is me (The BELIEVE Coach, Nicholas Dillon).  Yes, I was a victim but consider myself a survivor.  I realize now that the bullying game cannot be played without a victim and I was that victim.  For bullies to gain power, they must first find an easy target to take power away from.  Because of how I felt about myself and my own self-image, I clearly must have worn a neon sign that made me a stand out.

Now, 30 plus years later, I am on a mission to ensure that the children I mentor and even my adult clients maintain a zero tolerance approach to bullying in their space and environment.  My vision is to help potential victims not to become an easy target as it will make it a lot harder for bullies to take anything away from them.

If you are a parent reading this blog today, I encourage you to make sure you have an ongoing relationship with your child and that you pay attention to any changes in behavior.   During my own experience, I was able to camouflage my feelings and pain so that no one would know how I truly felt.   However, I do believe my parents were aware of it.  As a parent, do not expect your kids to figure out how do deal with a bully on their own.  I learned that the hard way and believed that violence was my way out when in fact it was not.  I was lucky nothing bad happened to me.  Keep in mind that it is hard to be bullied and even harder to think clearly and come up with mature solutions that will work effectively.

I have provided a few tips that i believe will help children as well as adults to stop the bullying:

  • Take a zero tolerance approach to harassment and bullying in school or even the workplace.  Make sure you have clear personal and professional boundaries.  Ensure that your peers and co-workers are clear about your boundaries and the mutual respected expectations that go along with them.
  • If someone is spreading rumors in school or on your job, do not participate and if so, suggest that the rumors stop.  A rumor will only last until you say STOP.  If you can convince your peers or colleagues not to participate then it dies.  If you fuel the fire and spread untruths  then you are just as bad as a bully.
  • If you are considering revenge rather than getting someone involved who can help in a more mature and reasonable manner, then the bully has won.  Feelings of revenge only come when you feel powerless.  This is exactly how I felt and I was too afraid to seek out assistance as it would really show a sign of my weakness.  Talk to a teacher, principal, manager, supervisor, and most of all your parents or spouse.  Never sit in silence.
  • Build your personal confidence and self-image.  Parents work on this with your children so that they do not fall victim to believing and living what others think about them.  I was teased often and called many of names.  It happened so frequently that I started believing all of the rumors and the names I was called as I had no value placed on my self-worth or my self-image.  For those in the workplace, know who you are and be ok with that.  Stand your ground and refute negativity.
  • Since we are in an age of social media and technology, remember that bullying has taken on a new medium and can become viral.  If you are cyber-bullied, never feed it.  If you do not feed it, it will soon die.  The whole premise for the bully is to be able to feel power and impact.  If that does not happen, it is not worth the energy.
  • Never compromise who you are in order to be accepted.
  • Never use avoidance or silence as the solution.  The pressure will become too great.
  • Learn leadership and confidence skills.
  • Learn to love and appreciate yourself for who you are.  Having a strong sense of self does not appeal to a bully.  They seek out the week, isolated, and vulnerable.

These are but a few tips to help you defend yourself against bullies.  Use these suggestions if you are bullied or if your child is bullied.  Join me and no longer sit in silence.

Never be bullied into silence or allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself. Don’t give anyone your personal power! I am a survivor!  For the entire month of OCTOBER 2015, we are celebrating National Bullying Prevention Awareness.  Spread the NEWS.  Visit www.BelieveUniversityFreeGift.com and receive a FREE Gift on self-defeating thoughts you can eliminate to build up your confidence and self-image.  

Posted by: The Believe Coach | September 9, 2015

Change Your Life in 30 Days – Start Believing Today!

30-day-challengeSignificantly changing your life in 30 days really is possible, although not always easy. But even though this adventure is often a big challenge, the payoffs can be enormous.

We have all taken on challenges of one sort of another for 30 days. Maybe you tried a diet or an exercise program. Perhaps you decided to give up TV or Social Media for 30 days. Even if you did not stick with the program long-term, the results were great, weren’t they? Now imagine if you expanded that idea to incorporate many areas of your life.

This program includes implementing several 30-day challenges simultaneously. You can use these suggestions or develop your own. Try creating a 30-day challenge from each category, and see where your new adventures lead you.

  1. Adjust your finances. Making more money or spending less is always a good financial theme. Alternatively, you might try balancing your accounts each day.
  2. Kick start your physical health. Diet, exercise, or combinations of both are great places to start. You could begin with something as simple as the doing the 20-minute yoga program that’s on TV every morning or taking the stairs at work instead of the elevator.
  3. Eliminate a time waster. Think about the amount of time you spend watching TV, surfing the Internet, on our smart phones, playing video games, or lurking on Facebook. We all know the activities we tend to engage in when we’re bored or trying to avoid dealing with life’s challenges. Try getting rid of just one, and see how much more time you have!
  4. Add in another positive activity. Come up with something more enriching or satisfying than the time waster you are eliminating. Maybe reading or taking a class would be in order. Perhaps you will spend all your newly found time on personal development.
  1. Commit to something else that appeals to you. Perhaps checking your email only 3 times a week or going to bed by 11:00 every night would be a beneficial habit you’d enjoy.

Tips for Success in Your Program

Now that you have some idea of changes you might want to make, how can you stick to them?

Try these ideas:

  1. Get enough sleep. If you set a challenge of cutting two hours of sleep each night (or even just one hour!), it is going to make everything else more difficult. Regardless of whatever time-related goals you may set, allow yourself the 7-8 hours a night that you deserve. 
  1. Set goals that you can do daily, seven days a week. Creating a new habit with an activity you only do 3 times a week is often much harder. Try to keep all new activities limited to ones you can do every day.
  2. Prepare ahead of time. Have everything you need in advance. Eliminate anything that might get in the way. For example, if you’re trying to follow a specific diet, buy the food you’ll need beforehand and get rid of food you want to avoid. You can’t break down and eat that bag of chips if there aren’t any chips in the house!
  3. Plan on social support. Tell your goals to your friends or family members that will support you in your efforts. Be careful in whom you confide. Changing is a challenge in itself. Success is harder if others are making non-supportive comments. 

Trying to change several aspects of your life simultaneously may require other changes as well, depending on your chosen goals. All of our behaviors tend to interact with other behaviors, which can make changing any of them a demanding task.

For example, if you give up TV and junk food, and those are your main coping mechanisms for life’s challenges, you’re going to have to deal with your negative feelings a new way. Or better yet, you can face your concerns head-on. The distractions you’re used to falling back on may have just been ways to avoid the issues at hand.

To work this program, choose the 30-day challenges you can implement and get started. Remember to adequately prepare. If you can create several new positive habits and get rid of a few bad ones, your life will change dramatically for the better.

For assistance with this 30 day challenge, feel free to reach out to The Believe Coach, Nicholas Dillon at Believe University.  Try a complimentary session to help kick start your Journey.

Posted by: The Believe Coach | July 31, 2015

What is on your Believe Lifestyle wish List?

123Blog Graphic

Keeping a Believe Lifestyle Wish List can help you experience all the things you really want.

All you need is paper and pen or your smart phone to get your list going. One of the best and easiest ways to keep your Wish List is to use a spiral notebook. This way, you can keep the list going wherever you are and can review it often.

To get started, think about all the goals you BELIEVE you want to achieve.

This includes short-term plans, plans that will take a few years, and ones that will span the course of your life. Record the date you place each item on your list as it will help you begin to actively work toward the goal. You might even want to write the date you achieved your objective as well.

Take a look at this brief sample of a Life Wish List:

  1. Take the final training at work to speak more effectively. 7-02-10 (Done 8-15-11)
  2. Plan a weekend trip with my sisters in 2012. 9-29-10 (Scheduled 02-01-12)
  3. Begin saving $100 monthly in August 2012 for a trip to Sweden in 2017.
  4. Schedule evenings out with friends at least twice a month. 9-27-14
  5. Watch the top 100 Movies over the next 2 years. 11-10-14
  6. Obtain a part-time job 3 months every year to bank money for retirement. 1-12-15
  7. Take an 8-week Yoga course at the health club. 2-17-15
  8. write a best-selling fiction novel or self-help book. 1-1-10 (Done 12-15-12)

Ponder these points when putting together your BELIEVE Lifestyle Wish List:

  1. Reflect on the kind of life you want. Do you want to be married, have children, and keep the same job for 20 years? Perhaps you strive to live the simpler life out in the suburbs or on a farm in the country.
  1. Consider where you want to live. Maybe you want to stay in your hometown until you’re 55, then move on to the retirement place of your dreams. Or maybe you wish you could move out of the colder weather and live somewhere with a more temperate climate.
  2. Do you want more education or training? You can avail yourself of the knowledge you’ll need, whether your ultimate goal is to earn more or just to excel at what you do.
  3. How good is good enough? Speaking of excelling, maybe you want to be one of the best sales people at the store or office where you work. Being the best cook in the neighborhood could be your heart’s deepest desire. Consider what you need to do to achieve your dreams. Then, put your steps to your goal on your Wish List.
  4. Make your home your sanctuary. Maybe it’s time to paint, re-arrange the furniture, or pick up a new piece of furniture to complete your mental image of your dream home.
  5. Do you dream of a special vacation? Have you always wanted to go to London to see Buckingham Palace? Perhaps you wish you could cruise the Caribbean for a week. Whatever the destination, your dream vacation should be on your list.
  6. Have fun! Consider activities you want to do just for personal enjoyment. Include plenty of these types of items on your Wish List. For example, maybe you want to learn how to paint with watercolors or how to play golf.  Perhaps you want to learn how to play a musical instrument.

Keeping a Believe Lifestyle Wish List is one of the most self-motivating things you can do. You will open your mind to all the things you want to participate in, see, and achieve. Plus, you will be consistently compelled to move forward to fulfill your desires and accomplish your goals. Start your Believe Lifestyle Wish List today to live the life you truly want.  For help with setting and working on your goals, consider a complimentary session with Nicholas Dillon, The Believe Coach at www.BelieveUniversity.net.

Posted by: The Believe Coach | May 4, 2015

Overcoming Habitual Negativity

No-negativityIs negativity bringing you down? Every day, you are most likely exposed to a variety of situations. Some, you will perceive as positive, others neutral, and others negative. If the unpleasant ones seem to be the majority in your life, it’s great to know that you can do something about it!

Unfortunately, negative experiences are a natural part of life. Maybe your boss got up on the wrong side of the bed today and is a bit cranky. Or maybe your spouse had a rough day at work and is being really vocal about it. These situations set you up for potential negative experiences.

So how do you respond to negative stimuli when they occur?

Try implementing these strategies:

  1. Step back. Acknowledge that getting involved in negativity is not good for you. The first thing to do is recognize the results of jumping into the stream of negativity. If you truly connect with the idea that you wish to bring only positivity into your life, you will be more focused on making efforts to do so.
  • Commit to yourself that you will do whatever is necessary to avoid engaging with negativity. Having the awareness that negativity runs counter to your life goals will motivate you to abstain from participating in it.
  1. Listen well; then withhold comment. Others’ negative remarks can feel quite seductive. Many of us allow ourselves to be pulled in to the emotional experience of the situation being discussed. However, if you listen actively, but refrain from commenting, you can avoid making the experience your own.
  • Plus, those who are bringing negativity your way will avoid doing so in the future since you did not sign on with their emotional reactions and did nothing to reinforce them.
  1. Change the subject. When you have just heard some unsavory words, why not bring up something that’s less stressful and more positive? For example, if your co-worker says she’s annoyed with your supervisor, you could ask her how another project she’s pleased to be working on is progressing.
  2. If you are in a group, simply ignore the negativity. Most likely, if there are two or three others present when an nonconstructive discussion starts up, you can get by with ignoring the negativity or excusing yourself from the room. Sometimes, you can express the most by saying nothing at all.
  3. Make an effort to be involved in something else. Involving yourself in something that matters to you is a great method of subliminally refusing to participate in others’ negativity. Look through your handbag for that receipt you could not find last night. Search your briefcase for your schedule book or that file with the information you wanted earlier.
  4. Psychologically reinforce your efforts. Say to yourself, “You handled that really well.” or “It was a great idea to leave the table when they all started criticizing how the boss handled something.” Allow yourself to feel proud of yourself about not joining in with the negativity around you.

Avoid letting others’ negativity bring you down. Instead, recognize that you would rather not be exposed to such situations and people.

When negativity blooms around you, listen and say nothing, change the subject, or ignore it. Reinforce your efforts to avoid habitual negativity every single day, and you can say good-bye to unproductive thoughts.  If you find that you still need some coaching or guidance, feel free to sign up for a complimentary session at www.BelieveUniversity.net.

Posted by: The Believe Coach | April 6, 2015

OPTIONS to Successfully Manage Your Frustration

frustrationRegardless of how calm you are most of the time, you might still have those moments when your frustration level seems to go sky-high. The challenging aspect of feeling frustrated is the urgency you feel to express those upsetting feelings.

However, you have no doubt learned you need to be able to maintain control of your feelings in certain situations because, if you do not, you only create more difficulties for yourself.

In you most extreme challenging moment, try these strategies to handle your frustrations:

  1. Take some deep breaths. Although this strategy sounds like it might not help at all, the fact is that breathing techniques really work. If you use the wellness guru, Andrew Weil’s, “4-7-8” technique for breathing, you’ll discover you can calm yourself down rather quickly. Here’s how it works:
  • Breathe in through your nose to the count of 4.
  • Then, hold in your breath to the count of 7.
  • Finally, breathe out through your mouth to the count of 8. Focus on blowing out all of the air from your lungs in this step.
  • If you take four 4-7-8 breathes in a row, your frustration will likely dissipate and you’ll feel better.
  1. Disengage or walk away. If you’re in a situation where you can briefly leave the room, excuse yourself to exit. Go to the restroom or for a quick walk in the building or around the parking lot. Physically disengaging from the frustrating event will nearly always help your frustration level to drop.
  2. Challenge yourself to say nothing. Probably the toughest suggestion on this list to actually do, saying nothing means you will not compound any developing difficulty in the room. Although you have a right to your feelings, it is not always wise to voice them, especially if you are feeling quite frustrated at the time. Take the time to actively listen rather than listening for an opportunity to speak or have an emotionally filled “come back or rebuttal”.
  3. Be proactive. Try to anticipate when you might feel frustrated so you can ponder how you will handle it if it happens.
  • For example, maybe you have got a brother-in-law, Paul, who seems to always push your buttons and get you feeling pretty irritated. Now, you may happen to be going out to dinner with Paul and your sister this evening.
  • Ask yourself, “How can I prepare now to keep my frustration at bay or to handle it if Paul triggers me?” Thinking about it ahead of time will help you tap in to your own strategies to keep a handle on your frustration.
  1. Learn to distinguish between things that really matter and the “small stuff.” Does the situation you’re getting so annoyed about really matter in the grand scheme of things? Save your emotional agitation for something that is truly important. When you can establish these differences in your mind, you’ll be better able to ignore some of the small stuff.
  • Ask yourself, “Will this really make a difference a year from now? 5 years?” If not, you can usually put it in the category of the “small” stuff.
  • Another way of using this concept is to “pick your battles.” Save the battles for the big stuff.
  1. Distract yourself. If you get irritated when only 2 or 3 people are present, it’s best to distract yourself with thoughts of things you have to do at home or looking for something in your briefcase or purse. Maybe you notice a lovely painting on the wall in the restaurant where you’re dining.
  • You can avoid simple frustrations by either thinking about or doing something to take your mind away from the frustrating topic.
  1. Focus on another person in the room. If you’re in a group of people and someone says or does something that frustrates you, turn to the person next to you and ask how she’s doing. It’s fairly easy to disengage from the person who’s irritating you and talk to someone else whenever others are close by.

You have the personal power to curb your frustration. You can take deep breaths, disengage, avoid commenting, anticipate developing frustration, and learn to tell the difference between big things and the small stuff. You can also distract yourself or even focus on another person in the room.

These methods work! Try them the next time you’re feeling frustrated. You will feel so much better and your frustration will hopefully disappear!  In case you need some additional assistance with dealing with emotions or frustration, please engage The Believe Coach by trying our a Complimentary Session at www.BelieveUniversity.net.

Posted by: The Believe Coach | March 25, 2015

Do You Find Yourself Living in The Past?

stop-living-in-the-pastDo you struggle to rise above any life challenges that come your way? Maybe you have gone from having plenty of money and a big house to living from paycheck to paycheck in a small apartment. Or perhaps you have experienced the loss of a relationship that devastated you but you have been able to bounce back and continue to live the life of your dreams.

However, if you find yourself feeling stuck looking back wistfully to earlier years, and wishing things could have remained “that way,” you’re probably living in the past.

If you notice you still suffer a lot of emotional pain over an upsetting event you experienced long ago, you might be stuck in your history and unable to move forward.

Although some would argue, “What’s so bad about living in the past,” the fact is that doing so means the present—your reality—is flying by without you grabbing on to it to move forward and achieve your life aspirations.

You’re living in the past if:

  1. You think every day about some aspect of how your life used to be. Maybe you call it “nostalgia” or simple yearnings for what your life was like before. Reflecting daily on the past can get in the way of moving forward.
  2. You try to sleep as much as possible so you can dream about earlier years. When you sleep at night, your dreams become fantasies about how your life was before. You look forward to those dreams.
  3. You spend a lot of time on the computer. Being on the computer keeps you busy and you don’t have to think about how your life has changed.
  1. You use other methods to “escape” from reality, like reading, cleaning, or even drinking alcohol. Perhaps you’re constantly in motion and doing something so you don’t have to face life as it is now.
  2. You’re in denial about your current living situation. It’s hard to accept that you no longer have a partner or live in the home you thought you would for the rest of your life. Maybe you don’t want to rearrange the furniture or get rid of some things you don’t use because they remind you of a person who’s no longer in your life.

If you see yourself in these 5 points, you’re living in the past. Examine the following steps to get started living in the present.

Start Living in the Here and Now

 Now that you have identified the issue(s), it’s time to re-connect with yourself and move forward to create a fulfilling life. Here’s how to do it:

  1. Openly acknowledge to yourself what you have been doing. The first step toward healing is acknowledging the error of your ways. “I have been living in the past and I want to stop doing that.”
  2. Decide what you must do to shift into the present. Do you need to clean out closets, get rid of old possessions, and maybe even move your residence? Sometimes, moving forward in your life literally means moving.
  3. Know your life goals. Make a plan you can follow to actively pursue your goals.
  4. Take care of yourself. Face yourself in the mirror. Take excellent physical care of yourself. Re-focus your efforts on the current state of your physical body and take care of yourself.
  5. Vow to practice special efforts with your feelings. Work to gain understanding of your feelings. Allow yourself to grieve who or what you have lost if you need to.
  6. Contact professionals if needed. Seek out medical care if you have overlooked doing that these past years. Have an annual check-up. If you require psychological assistance to get things in perspective, contact your local mental health center or ask your general physician for a referral to a counselor.
  7. Waste no more time. Be in awe of each day. You can do something positive with every 24 hour period. Start immediately.

Living in the past robs you of the life you truly deserve. Re-state your life goals to yourself and then begin living out your dreams in the here and now. For further assistance with goal setting and accountability, visit www.BelieveUniversity.com and sign up for a complimentary Coaching Session.

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