Posted by: The Believe Coach | February 18, 2015

Managing Your Emotional Triggers

emotionsMaybe you wonder what’s really going on when you feel like certain events push your buttons. Take control of your emotional triggers by increasing your awareness and developing new ways of responding.

Understanding Your Emotional Triggers 

  1. Learn the definition of triggers. A trigger is an experience that draws us back into the past and causes old feelings and behaviors to arise. An ice cream sandwich may remind you of summer vacations or gossiping coworkers could bring back images of high school cliques.
  2. Spot external prompts. Some triggers are situational and social. Many people tend to eat more at holiday gatherings. If your spouse is tense, it may affect your own mood.

  3. Identify internal causes. Over time, anything can be internalized. Even when you’re surrounded by loved ones, you may be carrying around old conflicts that interfere with your ability to live in the present moment.

  4. Realize we all have triggers. Much of the literature about triggers focuses on addictions. It’s important to remember that memory plays a powerful role in all our lives.

  5. Accept individual differences. If you’re startled by loud noises that your spouse fails to notice, you’ve seen how differently people react to the same stimulus. Taking such variety into account improves communications and relationships.

Managing Your Emotional Triggers 

  1. Keep a journal. Tracking your triggers is often the first step in mastering them. It might be helpful to keep a log of occasions when you experience intense emotions or engage in behavior you want to change. Note what’s going on in your head and in your surroundings at the time.
  2. Challenge yourself. The key to change is placing yourself in difficult positions and being open to doing something new and more constructive. If worrying about money is keeping you up at night, call your creditors to arrange payment plans.
  3. Know your capacity. Proceed at your own pace. Start out by being more assertive with your spouse and friends if you need to practice before talking with your boss.
  4. Come up with alternatives. Take advantage of quiet times to brainstorm new strategies you can use when you are under pressure. List productive and enjoyable activities you can substitute for gambling or other habits you want to break.

  5. Make time to relax. Reducing daily stress will make it easier to handle intense emotions. Begin a daily meditation practice or start out the day by listening to instrumental music during your drive to the office.

  6. Consider Professional Coaching or therapy. If you’re having trouble making progress on your own, professional help could make a big difference. Ask your physician or people you trust for references.

  7. Live healthy. One simple way to make yourself more resilient is to take good care of your body and mind. Eat right, sleep well and exercise regularly. You’ll be better prepared to bounce back from any obstacles that may arise.

  8. Develop a strong support network. Close family and friends are vital to feeling validated and nurtured. When you’re dealing with stubborn issues, it’s good to know you have people who care about you and want to help.

  9. Show compassion. The more you know about your own triggers, the more insight you can develop into what the people around you may be struggling with. Strive to be a little more patient and forgiving and people will be more likely to do the same for you.

We all have our own unique emotional triggers. Learning to handle them constructively enables us to fix the issues that get in our way and move ahead in life.  Consider a complimentary coaching session at

Posted by: The Believe Coach | January 21, 2015

Create the Life you Desire in 2015

DSC_3135If you find yourself feeling frustrated that you are not living the life you desire, this article can help you move forward in the directions of your lifelong dreams.

When you visualize a result in your life, you imagine what life will be like upon accomplishing that result. If a specific goal you have clung to over the years is not possible for you now, read on.

Let’s say you have always wanted to be a doctor but now, here you are—40 and feeling like you can’t achieve the one dream you have always wanted. But maybe now you don’t want to spend 10 years in college studying before starting your desired career.

In similar instances, how can you create the life you want using visualization?

Before visualizing, adjust what you want in life to achieve a similar result.  What if you tweaked that dream a bit so you could visualize accomplishing a revised goal that will bring happiness? Using the above example, you might decide to become a registered nurse instead.

  • You could visualize working in the same setting you wanted to before: a hospital with physicians while managing health issues with patients.

Be open in your quest. Visualization requires a certain mental flexibility that allows you to encompass all possibilities. What do you really want to be doing in your life? What must be done to achieve those goals?

  • Allow yourself to openly acknowledge what you crave to do with your life. When you can do this, you can better visualize your dream.

Write down your goals, one by one. Doing so will enrich your thoughts about what it will take to achieve your dream. Record tasks you’ll accomplish to ultimately reach your desired end result. In order for visualization to work, it’s important to know specifically what it is you’re after and the steps you must take to reach or exceed your wants.

Construct a mental picture. In your mind, paint a picture of the scene in which you’ll achieve a desired accomplishment.

  • Using the above example, you might imagine where you would be and what you would be doing when you receive your nursing degree. What will you wear? Who else will be present? How will you feel at that moment?

Have tangible representations of your dream around you. Create an area at home that represents the goal you’re striving to accomplish. Using our example, you could display a nurse’s cap, stethoscope, and banner from the local college with a nursing program on a table in your den.

  • Touch or hold the items during visualization. Possessing tangible representations of your dreams makes your goals real and will serve as daily reminders for you to pursue your goal.

Practice your visualization. Spend 5-10 minutes daily closing your eyes and imagining the scenes. Ensure you’re sitting in a relaxed position in a comfortable chair. Keep your dream alive by visualizing your success in achieving it.

  • The more you repeat your visualizations, the more motivated you’ll be to take action to go after your goals.

Each day, ask yourself, “What must I do today to create the life I desire?”  Your actions coupled with your consistent visualizations will galvanize you to seek whatever it is you want in life. Reflect on how the steps you took today figure in to your goal achievement.

When you combine powerful visualizations with deliberate actions, you can have whatever you desire. Now, close your eyes and visualize.  Happy New Year from The Believe Coach, Nicholas Dillon .   If you would like Nicholas to speak at your upcoming event, please visit

Posted by: The Believe Coach | November 18, 2014

How much do you Believe in Yourself?

greatnessIt may sound strange, but the one person you’ll always have in your life is you. In order to have an existence that’s peaceful yet exciting and fulfilling, it’s important to believe in yourself.

When you believe in yourself, you know that you have the ability to handle anything that life throws your way. You recognize that¸ although things may be tough, you’ll get through it.

If that voice deep inside you says, “But what if I’m not sure that I can handle something,” you could probably benefit from boosting your self-confidence and recognizing more of your abilities.

These strategies can bolster that belief:

  1. Know yourself. Who are you? How would you describe yourself to someone who doesn’t know you? Write down a description of you. “[Your name] is a person who_____________.” Keep writing what you know about yourself. When you’re finished, read it. Does it give the reader a clear idea of who you are?
  2. Develop a real understanding for how you react in certain situations. For example, if someone tells you he’s angry about something you did, how do you respond? When people ask for help, what do you do? Noticing the behaviors you perform whenever challenging situations occur will help you see your capabilities.
  3. Be comfortable with your own feelings. Recognize what you’re feeling and label it—is it sadness you feel when you see your little girls growing up? Or is it pride? It’s okay to shed a tear over a poignant commercial or a sad or touching movie.
  4. Recognize your strong points. Although most of us can identify our weak areas right off the bat, it’s sometimes a challenge to see our strong points. Recognizing the areas of life in which you do really well is a great confidence-booster.
  5. Remind yourself you’ve made it through some challenging episodes in life. When you see what you’ve risen above, it helps you to realize that you can get through the tough times. You can probably easily recount all the difficult phases you’ve gone through in life. Yet here you are, surviving and maybe even thriving.
  • Be inspired by the initiative, personal strength, and courage you’ve shown so far in life. Say to yourself: “If I did that, then I can achieve even more.”
  • For example, maybe you made your way through college or even graduate school while working full-time and taking care of a family. That’s quite a feat. It must have been a challenging time for you. Yet somehow, you did it. That’s pretty incredible. Acknowledge it.
  1. Get comfortable with admitting you made a mistake. This suggestion just might be the most important one on the list. If you can’t admit to yourself and others on a regular basis that you’ve made a mistake, the fact is that you’ll have difficulty believing in yourself. Why? Because in order to believe in yourself, you must be real with yourself and others.
  • Otherwise, you’ll see that you’re not even honest with yourself and your confidence will lag. It’s okay to be wrong. Let’s face it—most of us are wrong at least once a day. The easiest way to solve an issue or figure out a conundrum is to acknowledge, “I did something wrong.”
  • If you recognize and acknowledge your errors, you’re very wise because you obviously know you can’t correct a mistake unless you see the mistake in the first place. If you’re not already doing it, start openly and honestly acknowledging errors. That way, you can fix them.
  • These actions will also help you believe in your ability to handle anything.

If you believe in yourself, your life will be so much easier. Believing in yourself brings a certain quiet confidence. Thoughtfully consider the above points and strengthen your resolve to believe in the one person you’ll always have: you.  If you need help with your “beliefs”, consider my complimentary session by going to

Posted by: The Believe Coach | October 6, 2014

Stop the Bullying: Never sit in Silence again!

antibullying2I am reminded of a young African-American child who was raised under strict family rules.  During the early teen years from middle school and throughout high school, this kid was smart yet shy and often picked on and bullied by fellow classmates and even other children in the neighborhood where he lived.  He found himself constantly frustrated, depressed, and left with a very low in self-image and esteem.

Life for this young teen reached its lowest point when he felt no love from his family and the bullying had taken its toll on his life.  This young 16-year-old decided that life was not worth living and the only way out would be to take his own life so that the pain he felt would go away.

The young child decided not to go in the direction of suicide; but rather sought refuge in his religious teachings and started a journal   as a way of releasing the pain and emotion that was inside of him. By doing this, he found solace and a sense of being heard and not judged.

He soon found the courage to stand up to his bullies but not in the right way.  His mind was set on revenge and he packed a knife in his backpack throughout his high school years simply waiting for the opportunity to use it if pushed to the edge.  His mind was still full of fear and his actions were unpredictable.

The young teen that I am speaking about is me (The BELIEVE Coach, Nicholas Dillon).  Yes, I was a victim but consider myself a survivor.  I realize now that the bullying game cannot be played without a victim and I was that victim.  For bullies to gain power, they must first find an easy target to take power away from.  Because of how I felt about myself and my own self-image, I clearly must have worn a neon sign that made me a stand out.

Now, 30 years later, I am on a mission to ensure that the children I mentor and even my adult clients maintain a zero tolerance approach to bullying in their space and environment.  My vision is to help potential victims not to become an easy target as it will make it a lot harder for bullies to take anything away from them.

If you are a parent reading this blog today, I encourage you to make sure you have an ongoing relationship with your child and that you pay attention to any changes in behavior.   During my own experience, I was able to camouflage my feelings and pain so that no one would know how I truly felt.   However, I do believe my parents were aware of it.  As a parent, do not expect your kids to figure out how do deal with a bully on their own.  I learned that the hard way and believed that violence was my way out when in fact it was not.  I was lucky nothing bad happened to me.  Keep in mind that it is hard to be bullied and even harder to think clearly and come up with mature solutions that will work effectively.

I have provided a few tips that i believe will help children as well as adults to stop the bullying:

  • Take a zero tolerance approach to harassment and bullying in school or even the workplace.  Make sure you have clear personal and professional boundaries.  Ensure that your peers and co-workers are clear about your boundaries and the mutual respected expectations that go along with them.
  • If someone is spreading rumors in school or on your job, do not participate and if so, suggest that the rumors stop.  A rumor will only last until you say STOP.  If you can convince your peers or colleagues not to participate then it dies.  If you fuel the fire and spread untruths  then you are just as bad as a bully.
  • If you are considering revenge rather than getting someone involved who can help in a more mature and reasonable manner, then the bully has won.  Feelings of revenge only come when you feel powerless.  This is exactly how I felt and I was too afraid to seek out assistance as it would really show a sign of my weakness.  Talk to a teacher, principal, manager, supervisor, and most of all your parents or spouse.  Never sit in silence.
  • Build your personal confidence and self-image.  Parents work on this with your children so that they do not fall victim to believing and living what others think about them.  I was teased often and called many of names.  It happened so frequently that I started believing all of the rumors and the names I was called as I had no value placed on my self-worth or my self-image.  For those in the workplace, know who you are and be ok with that.  Stand your ground and refute negativity.
  • Since we are in an age of social media and technology, remember that bullying has taken on a new medium and can become viral.  If you are cyber-bullied, never feed it.  If you do not feed it, it will soon die.  The whole premise for the bully is to be able to feel power and impact.  If that does not happen, it is not worth the energy.
  • Never compromise who you are in order to be accepted.
  • Never use avoidance or silence as the solution.  The pressure will become too great.
  • Learn leadership and confidence skills.
  • Learn to love and appreciate yourself for who you are.  Having a strong sense of self does not appeal to a bully.  They seek out the week, isolated, and vulnerable.

These are but a few tips to help you defend yourself against bullies.  Use these suggestions if you are bullied or if your child is bullied.  Join me and no longer sit in silence.

Never be bullied into silence or allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life, but define yourself. Don’t give anyone your personal power! I am a survivor!  For the entire month of OCTOBER 2014, we are celebrating National Bullying Prevention Awareness.  Please CLICK HERE to Donate to my Stop the Bullying campaign & the Foundation I contribute for additional education.  

Posted by: The Believe Coach | August 6, 2014

Four-Step Approach to Effective Leadership



When you’re in a position of leadership, both the amount and quality of your work output depend on your team and, consequently, your skills as a leader. Luckily, these skills can be developed. All it takes is learning the keys to effective leadership and practicing them.

Becoming an effective leader is certainly not an overnight task, but what’s really going to matter is consistency in the process. A good starting point is using the following four steps towards becoming an effective leader.

Once you’ve mastered this approach, you’ll be more than capable of going after whatever leadership roles you desire.

The Four-Step Approach to Effective Leadership


  1. Believe in the vision. Knowing the vision of the team and actually believing in it is perhaps the most significant step towards becoming an effective leader. At the end of the day, leading a team means inspiring the trust of your team members. And the best way to do that is to prove to them that you believe in the vision.


What you should first do is develop a good understanding of what the vision is, and determine whether or not it’s something you can live up to. Next, use every chance you get to “sell” that vision to the team. Show them that you live and breathe it and they’ll eventually realize it’s something to grab on to.


  1. Be a good team builder. As a leader, you’ll need the support of your team. In selecting your team members, seek people who can understand the vision and support it. Then, identify those who fit the roles they’re required to fill.


Be careful to select the team based on merit, not emotions. Sometimes, when people recognize you’ve given them an opportunity based on an emotional position, they use every chance they get to play on your emotions for favors. You want team members who know they’ve been given an opportunity based on merit.


  1. Be a good negotiator. Once you’ve been able to gain the trust of your team members, your next step is to master your negotiation skills. As a leader, that not only means negotiating with the team so the best results are achieved, but also succeeding at external negotiations in the best interest of your unit.

Negotiate fairly so others continue to trust you.

Negotiate smartly for the well-being of your unit.

  1. Be able to delegate well. Identifying an ideal team is a success in itself, because you know that the persons you’ve selected are capable of excelling in the tasks assigned. Now, it’s up to you to assign tasks effectively. Becoming good delegating will involve the following activities:

Studying the strengths of each team player so you can effectively match tasks with the skill set.

Analyzing the potential success capabilities of your team so you can make a wise choice when assigning responsibilities.


Becoming an effective leader is an achievement you’ll undoubtedly be proud of! You have what it takes to earn the title of outstanding leader. By using this guideline, you’ll be able to sharpen your leadership skills and prove why you’re the best person for any leadership position.

Posted by: The Believe Coach | June 17, 2014

Take Control of Your Life Now – BELIEVE & Trust the Process

Control-of-LifeEvery day the sun rises and sets. One more day passes. On this day, did you take a step toward attaining your goals and dreams? Maybe you discovered something wonderful or really enjoyed yourself. However, the other possibility is that the day slipped by pretty much unnoticed.

Maybe days, weeks, or even months pass when you do not think about your personal goals. If that is the case, the question you must ask yourself is, “What am I waiting for?”

The good news is that you can start working to achieve your personal and professional desires today. They are still there, just waiting for you to BELIEVE & trust the process!

Follow these tips to help you take back control so you can live the life you desire:


  • Review your desired goals and jot them down. Just to get yourself back on track, ponder your goals and write them out. This way, you’ll be completely clear about what goals you want to work toward.
  • Look at each goal in sequence. What would you have to do first to begin working toward Goal A? What would your next step be that would lead you to eventually achieve Goal A? Once you understand the path, you can follow it to accomplish your wish.
  • Acknowledge you are worth it. Whatever time, research, and money it takes to work toward your goals, you deserve it. Recognize this fact and remind yourself of it regularly.
  • Connect with the concept that you’re in charge of your own life. The only person that can truly control your choices and decisions is you. How do you feel about that? Are you excited or maybe a bit afraid? It’s okay to have fear; just don’t let it stop you in your efforts to accomplish your life aspirations. Healthy fear is normal and can sometimes be exciting.
  • Avoid waiting any longer. Do not let another day go by without doing something to make progress toward your chosen wishes. It’s going to feel great to get working on your desires. You’ve got the controls now.
  • Celebrate small successes. Let’s say you have always wanted to take a trip to Thailand. Last week you bought an audio CD to begin learning some basicThai phrases. This week, you started saving $50 and vowed to save that amount each week toward your trip. Good for you! Why not cook up a Thai dinner to celebrate your efforts?
    • Acknowledge your progress toward your goals by celebrating along the way. Each milestone you complete will help you realize how important it is to have dreams and desires.
  •  Infuse aspects of your life goals into each day. When you begin to focus on fulfilling life goals, you will find it necessary to think about them and maybe even talk about them each day. Remind yourself daily about what you are doing—the progress you have made; and what you want to do next to get even closer to your dream.
    •  Cut out pictures and create a BELIEVE board that signifies your goals.  Also consider placing them in other places such as on the refrigerator or your bathroom mirror. Watch movies with subject matter or settings related to your goals. Keep your endeavors alive in your daily life.

When you stop waiting on other people or situations to make your life “happen,” you regain control over how you spend your time. Ensure you know exactly what goals you’re working toward and examine each goal in sequence, from starting to work on it to achieving the end result you seek. Remind yourself you’re worth whatever it takes to achieve.

Acknowledge that only you are in charge of your life. Stop depending on other people and things to make your life what you want it to be. Celebrate your progress toward goals and integrate aspects of your aspirations into your daily life.

When you follow these tips, you will have renewed control and focus. Then, you will spend your days achieving your dreams, desires, and goals.  More importantly, you will be living out your PURPOSE!  Check out Believe University and try out our Complimentary Session.  The Believe Coach will coach you in the process of taking control of your life.

Posted by: The Believe Coach | May 14, 2014

Is FEAR blocking your Success?

Fear-of-successDo you embrace success? Do you envision yourself with health, wealth, and other abundance? In going after your hopes and desires, you might be surprised to encounter your fear of success.

If you find yourself achieving only small, fleeting successes, but the great things you deserve always seem just out of reach, you may be the victim of your fear of success.

Your fear of success may be tough to identify and understand because the causes are frequently hidden from conscious awareness. Your fear may be lurking in your subconscious and you may never even discover that this challenge exists within you without some real probing.

Yet, this fear can cause you to sabotage your pursuit of your most cherished dreams. So how do you find out if your actions are motivated by fear of success?

Is the Fear of Success Sabotaging You?

Think of a goal that you’d like to achieve. Then, take 20-30 minutes and answer the following question: “What will happen if I succeed?” Write down everything you can think of – both good and bad consequences of achieving your goal.

It’s important to take at least 20 minutes to answer the question. Your early answers are likely to be superficial. Simply keep writing for at least 20 minutes. Put down everything that comes to mind. Nothing is too silly or too small. If, after 20 minutes, you’re still getting good stuff, then keep on going.

Suppose your goal is to make $250,000 this year. You might include items like these in your list:

  • I’ll be able to pay all my bills.
  • I can buy a new car.
  • I can go on a vacation.
  • I’ll have to pay a lot in taxes.
  • My brother will want a loan.
  • I don’t know what to do with the money after I’ve got it.
  • People will treat me differently.
  • I should get a new house. But where would I live?
  • My partner will try to spend it all.
  • I’ll probably just lose it or invest it incorrectly.

In your excitement, you might quickly write down some of the things you’ve wanted to buy, and, once you have the money, you can. But then, as you delve further into all your feelings about achieving your goal, some of the not-so-positive consequences of your achievement appear on your page.

Some of these consequences may reveal things you fear happening if you really achieved your goal.

Goals are never completely free of fear. Achievement always involves change, and all change involves some apprehension. You might truly desire to be successful, but if the feelings of fear due to the changes outweigh the positive feelings in your mind, progress will be slow and challenging.

How to Eliminate Your Fear of Success

If you can make yourself aware of your apprehensions, you have the opportunity to attack each of them and eliminate them or at least minimize them so that you can make progress.

Looking directly at these fears is very powerful. Fears that are not acknowledged tend to grow stronger. Fears that are examined tend to be minimized, which will help you to take aggressive action towards the completion of a goal.

Ultimately, if you look closely at your fears, you’ll see that the perceived side effects are what often seem scariest when pursing goals. So before you give up on your plans, ask yourself what would happen if you BELIEVED and were ultimately successful. Tackle your fears head on and you can start achieving your dreams today!

Need help with FEAR Try our Complimentary Session at

Posted by: The Believe Coach | April 12, 2014

Are Your BELIEFS holding you back?

breaking-beliefs1Our beliefs have a profound impact on our behavior. The behaviors that we display over an extended period determine the quality of our lives.  For example, if you believe that you do not interview well or have a positive self-image, you would never attempt to move outside of your comfort zone to go after your interests or potential opportunities.  So truly changing your life is dependent on changing your beliefs.

If you have limiting beliefs, this process can help you change them to beliefs that better serve you.

 Write down your answers to these questions:

  • Which belief do you want to change? You need to be able to see it to work with it effectively. So write it down. For example, some limiting beliefs you might have are:
    • “I will never get a job promotion.”
    • “I will never find someone who loves me for who I am”
    • “I am not pretty or handsome”
    • “I will never get ahead, I will always be broke”
    • “I will always lack confidence in myself”
    • “No one will ever give me a chance”
    • “I know I have talent; but I am afraid to take the risk of putting myself out there”
  •  What has the belief cost you? Make a list of all the ways this belief has negatively impacted your life. Really think about it, because it helps to have as much negative ammunition to get rid of that old belief as you can get. Spend some time; it might even take a couple of days to get a complete list.
  • What advantages has the belief provided you? Maybe believing that you could never be wealthy has allowed you to avoid taking risks. Or perhaps it has allowed you to work at a profession that’s easy for you. It might be hard to figure out what the advantages are, but they are there.
  • What new belief would you like to have as a replacement? For example, for the belief listed above, a new replacement might be: “I can get that promotion, if I allow myself to believe in the value I bring to the department and the company as a whole.” Be thoughtful and develop a new belief that will serve you well in the future.

How is the new belief better than the old belief? Come up with an emotionally charged list of ways in which the new belief will impact your life for the better. Consider how you would feel. What could you become? How would your lifestyle change? Would it help other people around you?

How can you start demonstrating the new belief today? Following our examples listed above, it might not be the right time to make drastic changes just yet. However, you could start developing an action plan for positive change.  Just taking each day at a time can make a huge impact in your life.  It starts with better self-talk, adjusting your thinking, and BELIEVING in yourself. Even the small changes should be celebrates as they can help the process.

Start Living Your New Belief

It might not be easy at first, but taking the time to complete the steps above will make it easier. Each day try to behave as if you hold the new belief. What would you wear? How would you speak? How would you view the world? How would you make decisions? How would you react to good news? Bad news?

While our behaviors determine the quality of our lives, our beliefs largely determine our behaviors. Beliefs are really the core to everything you do and become.

Beliefs can be challenging to change, as they are frequently developed at a young age, so you might have lived in accordance with your limiting beliefs for a long time. However, with diligence and attention, they can be altered. Changing your beliefs will change your life.

If you feel you need additional assistance with your limiting “BELIEFS”, I am offering you a COMPLIMENTARY SESSION through Believe University.  Simply CLICK HERE to take advantage of this offer.  Make the first step to living the life you deserve to live.

Posted by: The Believe Coach | March 7, 2014

Are You Struggling with Insecurity?

insecure-320x320Being comfortable in our own skin can be one of the greatest challenges that we ever face. Yet a secure person is likely to experience more success, have meaningful relationships, and gain respect from others.

People who experience a lack of confidence tend to find difficulty in a variety of different aspects of their lives. If you’re battling insecurity, it may be holding you back and preventing you from achieving your dreams.

Here are some signs that may indicate insecurity:

1. Defensiveness. People with a lack of self-confidence can be sensitive to criticism, and they may often react with defensiveness. If you feel uncomfortable with yourself, it can be more challenging to accept your flaws.

  • Secure people are capable of handling criticism. If you’re secure, you’ll be open to hearing different ways that you may improve. If you disagree with whatever criticism you receive, you probably won’t feel the need to argue because you’re happy with the way you are.

2. Inability to enjoy silence. Some people who feel insecure are unable to deal with any sort of silence. This may challenge you if you find yourself filling every moment with chatter. Perhaps you’re doing this in order to avoid reflecting on yourself.

  • Secure individuals can tolerate silence and often enjoy it. When you’re secure, you can allow others to talk without ever having to interject with your own opinions.

3. Joking excessively. If you’re insecure, you may use excessive joking as a coping mechanism. A sense of humor is good for emotional health, but if you feel insecure, you may joke excessively without understanding limits of appropriateness.

  • The best joke tellers are confident individuals. You will be much funnier, and your jokes will be better received if you deliver them with confidence. You’ll also have a better sense of when joking is acceptable, and when it may be hurtful instead of funny.

4. Self-promotion. Although this may seem contradictory, sometimes those who suffer from low self-esteem talk about themselves constantly, as if trying to prove themselves to others.

  • Confident people don’t need to promote themselves in this manner. When you’re confident, you know that how you live your life is a testament to your positive traits. Even if you’re confident, you will still need some validation from others, but you will find appropriate ways to ask for it, and won’t need it constantly.

5. Bullying. Because self-esteem challenged individuals often feel threatened by other people, a coping mechanism that sometimes develops is the drive to bully others. If you feel threatened by secure individuals, you may be feeling the power that they hold over themselves.

6. Overly competitive. Although competitiveness is natural, when this trait is taken to extremes, it’s often indicative of a problem. If you can’t handle losing without making a huge emotional display, then you may have a challenge with insecurity.

  • Keep in mind that secure individuals win and lose with grace. Grace relates to respecting your competitors. If you’re comfortable with your own self, then you will lose and win with poise.

Nothing dictates that an insecure individual must feel that way forever. If you recognize these characteristics in yourself, know that you can take positive steps to overcome your insecurity and build a better self-image. Confidence and security in yourself and your abilities will improve every aspect of your life by changing how you view yourself and the world around you.

If you believe you are struggling with insecurity, reach out to Nicholas Dillon, The Believe Coach by going to  Sign up for a Complimentary Life Coaching Session.

Posted by: The Believe Coach | February 22, 2014

Where is your Inner Strength?

black-man-meditating                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                            Even though life can be a fantastic ride, sometimes it can also knock the wind out of your sails. When tough times trigger your insecurities, you can discover an inner strength that will get you through practically anything.

Try these ideas to get started:

  • Reflect on the tough times you’ve had before. Ask yourself how you got through it. What did you do? What did you think? What did you tell yourself? Your resilience will become evident as you do this    exercise and give you real hope for the future in dealing with other obstacles.
  • Recognize that you’ve made it through those difficult situations. Then think about what you’re experiencing right now. Is the current situation similar to or much different from your other tough times? Use what you’ve learned from your past challenges.
  • Learn to talk to yourself in positive, encouraging ways. This will help you build up your inner strength.
    • As if speaking to your own best friend, tell yourself what will most help and encourage you. What do you most want to hear? What do you need to hear to help gather your strength? Is there something specific you’re hoping will happen?
    • Practice providing yourself with encouraging, uplifting messages. The messages you give yourself can be less than helpful or they can propel you through the roughest of circumstances.
  • Talking to yourself with respect, care and positivity builds your inner strength so it’s there when you need it. When the going gets tough, you’ll have yourself to fall back on.
  • Allow yourself time to think through whatever the situation is. It’s okay to feel confused.
  • Consider who you regard as role models or mentors. You selected those people because you respect and admire them. They’re strong enough people who you want to emulate.
    • What are your ideas about how to weather the storm? Examine all the solutions you can come up with. Explain to yourself what you’ll do and how you’ll do it.
    • A sense of your own resourcefulness can be found in your ability to problem-solve through challenging situations.
    • Think about their strength of character. How do you know they have it? What does that strength look like? How does it manifest?
  • Reflect on what you’ve done or been through that you’re most proud of. Was it making it through college although you had to work while you attended classes? Maybe it was moving out on your own for the first time and figuring out you could take care of yourself.
  • Even though you might have felt afraid, uncomfortable, lost, or confused, you discovered your internal resources and made it through those experiences.
  • When you examine what you did to handle those situations and how you made it through, you’ll recall your inner strength.
  • You can get in touch with your own resourcefulness by re-visiting those events that bring you pride.
  • Sometimes, you’ve just got to “fake it till you make it.” You can probably recall a time when you felt afraid or weren’t sure you could succeed, but you stood up and met the challenge head on.

Discovering your inner strength is possible, even in the toughest of times. Following the steps above will help you discover your courage and resourcefulness. And with this self-understanding, you can handle anything!

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